I believe we fall into perfectionism because of the fear of not being enough. Perfectionism becomes a mask, a way to portray ourselves as someone who does everything right—someone who is always on top of things, always strong and composed. Because if no one else can see my flaws, then everything must be fine, right?

The Dark Secret of Perfectionism

Unfortunately, perfectionism holds a very dark secret: it prevents us from being who we truly are. It stops us from enjoying ourselves and from accepting our human flaws.

My own recovery from perfectionism began when I hit a wall after finishing my PhD. Reflecting on those years now, I remember them as the most brutal for my inner perfectionist.

The scientific community is known for being highly critical and strict. So, when I entered this field, I felt compelled to conform to its rigid norms. I just had to be perfect. And I failed. Over and over again. I failed miserably at writing perfect articles and preparing perfect presentations. No matter how much I prepared, I always felt like it wasn’t enough. In hindsight, I am grateful for this experience because it allowed me to confront the shadow side of my personality—the perfectionist within.

The Breakdown and the Breakthrough

What followed my years in science was a complete unraveling. I was completely burned out, crying at work, and feeling anxious and depressed most of my waking hours. I realized I could not continue doing this to myself. What I needed was to be myself, finally. What I truly wanted was freedom—from the inner critical voice that constantly told me how I had failed, how I underperformed, and how I could have done better. I had to let go of almost everything I was holding onto for safety and approval.

For me, the path to healing involved a lot of not doing, practicing not judging myself for not doing, and forgiving myself when I fell back into old patterns. I started to compliment myself when I did something well, and I allowed myself to do things imperfectly. I let go of a lot of my need for control and started to experiment with life, little by little. I spent more time in nature, doing things I enjoyed. I started dancing again, sleeping longer, and began to treat myself with kindness.

The Role of Self-Doubt

My journey revealed that perfectionism is closely tied to self-doubt—the process of doubting ourselves, our worth, and projecting that doubt onto everything we do, create, or say. The most potent cure for self-doubt is self-love. We are not human doings; we are human beings. Only by allowing ourselves more freedom can we truly heal.

As little children, we are completely limitless and don’t judge our creations as good or bad. They simply are. A little girl builds her sandcastle, adds another tower, destroys it with vigor, and then builds it again. This brings me to a fundamental question: What is wrong and what is right? What is the “right” way to do something?

The Cure for Perfectionism: Creativity

I believe the ultimate cure for perfectionism is allowing the flow of creativity in whatever we do. To create, sometimes in messy ways, but always with passion and life. The greatest burden of perfectionism is the block it creates for our creative outlets. When we are caught in the perfectionist mindset, it’s hard to even get started because we fear that if we don’t do it perfectly, it will be a disaster. So, we don’t try at all. This is a shame because the best way to create anything in life is through experimentation—by doing, failing, learning, and improving through iterations. Nothing is flawless from the start.

5 Tips to Conquer Perfectionism

Here are five tips to help you confront the perfectionist within:

1. Befriend Your Perfectionism
Don’t try to get rid of it right away. Instead, understand it. This part of you comes from deep wounds—the pain of a little child who was shamed, yelled at, or not supported. Acknowledge and hold this part of yourself with compassion.

2. Set Imperfect Standards
Try to do something below your usual standards of perfection. For example, with a work assignment, let go of the need to make it perfect. Leave certain parts less than ideal, then send it anyway. This is a step toward releasing control.

3. Take Mindful Breaks
Perfectionists often overwork because they want to control the outcome. Instead of trying to control everything, focus on balance by taking breaks. Use this time for mindfulness—take a walk, do some breathing exercises, meditate, or enjoy a mindful lunch.

4. Take It Step by Step
Perfectionists tend to feel overwhelmed by the bigger picture. Instead of trying to do everything at once, take it one step at a time. Confront your fears and do what makes you uncomfortable. Remember the mantra: “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”

5. Have Fun
Perfectionists are notorious for taking life too seriously. Remember, life is a playground. Allow yourself to laugh, enjoy, and not take yourself so seriously. Build, rebuild, and destroy your “sandcastles” as you go.

Conclusion

Perfectionism may never disappear entirely, but with time and self-compassion, its grip can loosen. By embracing imperfection, focusing on creativity, and allowing ourselves the freedom to fail, we can begin to enjoy life more fully. And, perhaps, in the process, we’ll find the freedom and joy we’ve been searching for all along.

With Love and light,
Nina

For some of us, overthinking—this excessive analyzing—has become a pattern. Often, we’re not even aware of it because it’s part of our inner world. We assume it’s just the way we’re wired, as if it’s our “default” setting.

Overthinking is essentially excessive rumination about something, going in circles with the same thoughts, and imagining worst-case scenarios that may never happen. It’s like replaying a movie in your mind—but not a fun, lighthearted comedy. More like a horror or thriller. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other emotional struggles. While thinking about problems can sometimes be useful for problem-solving, overthinking becomes harmful when it turns into a constant habit that prevents us from living in the present moment and enjoying life. It’s like having an annoying roommate in your head who constantly nags and criticizes you.

To give you a clearer picture, here are three firsthand examples of what I mean. You might even recognize your own scenario in one of them:

The “What If” Spiral

I remember when I was starting my small business. Instead of feeling excited and creative, I was stuck in a loop of “What if I fail? What if no one buys my product? What if I embarrass myself in front of everyone?” Instead of focusing on creating, marketing, and enjoying the process, I spent days obsessing over catastrophic scenarios. It paralyzed me. In the end, I felt like I was fighting an imaginary enemy instead of building something meaningful.

Overanalyzing Past Situations

After every interaction—especially with someone important to me or in situations involving conflict—I would spend hours analyzing everything I had said, how I had behaved, and what the other person might have thought. I would dissect every detail and always find something I “should have done better.”
“Why did I say that?”
“I should have said it differently!”
“What if I offended them?”
It was exhausting—like being a detective trying to solve a case, except the case was my own life.

Perfectionism as a Mask for Fear

Whenever I had a task to complete, I aimed for perfection. Everything had to be flawless. Of course, this meant I wasted too much time on details, procrastinated out of fear of failure, and ultimately felt unsatisfied with the results.

Perfectionism, in reality, was just a mask for my fear of criticism and failure. I was afraid to show my true, imperfect self to the world.

Does this sound familiar now? I’m sure you recognize at least a part of yourself in one of these examples.

Is Overthinking Always Bad?

When we hear the term “overthinking,” it may sound entirely negative. However, there are a few potential benefits to this way of thinking:

• Thoroughness: Overthinkers tend to be very detailed in their approach to problems, carefully analyzing all options before making a decision. This can make them great at well-thought-out choices.
• Creativity: Overthinking can spark creativity because a person considers a wide range of possibilities and ideas, leading to innovative solutions.
• Efficiency: It can help with preparation and organization, making it more likely for someone to develop solid plans and strategies.
• Self-awareness: Overthinking can make a person more aware of their feelings, needs, and desires, helping them reflect on their personal values and life goals.
• Mistake Prevention: Overthinking can help prevent errors by considering all possibilities before making a decision, which can be beneficial in business and other areas of life.

However, when overthinking becomes a habit, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion. That’s why it’s essential to recognize when overthinking is becoming harmful and learn how to manage it.

Are You a Victim of Overthinking?

Ask yourself these questions—be honest!

✔️ Do I constantly dwell on the past or worry about the future?
✔️ Do my thoughts leave me feeling exhausted, drained, or tense? Like my battery is completely empty?
✔️ Am I prone to overanalyzing everything that happens in my life?
✔️ Do my thoughts often revolve around negative scenarios and problems? Like my brain is only wired for worst-case scenarios?
✔️ Do I feel overwhelmed when my mind is flooded with too many thoughts, as if my brain is overheating?
✔️ Do my thoughts make it difficult to focus and concentrate? Like I’m living in my own world?
✔️ Is it hard to stop or control my thoughts, as if I have a stubborn guest in my mind who refuses to leave?

If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, you might be struggling with overthinking. But don’t worry—you’re not alone! The good news is that you can change it.

Tips and Tricks to Overcome Overthinking

✅ Recognize and Redirect: One of the most important steps is to recognize when overthinking is happening. As soon as you notice you’re spiraling, try shifting your focus. Do something that relaxes you—meditation, yoga, exercise, reading, painting, playing an instrument, walking in nature, talking to a friend… Anything that gets you out of your head and back into the present moment. Think of your mind as a radio—you just need to switch to a different station.

✅ Identify Triggers and Patterns: Pay attention to your thought patterns. When do you overthink the most? What triggers it? Is it work stress, relationship issues, financial insecurity? Once you identify your “triggers,” you can develop strategies to cope with them. Keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts when you feel overwhelmed can help.

✅ Embrace Imperfection: Nobody is perfect, and life isn’t perfect. Accept that you will make mistakes, face tough moments, and that not everything will go according to plan. And that’s okay! That’s part of life. Perfectionism is a one-way ticket to overthinking, so let go of unrealistic expectations.

✅ Mindfulness Meditation—Your Best Ally: Mindfulness meditation is an excellent technique to observe your thoughts without judgment. It teaches you to be present in the moment and not get “hooked” on every thought that crosses your mind. There are plenty of guided meditations online, or you can join a course. Trust me, it’s worth it!

✅ Be Kind to Yourself: Don’t beat yourself up for overthinking. We all do it from time to time. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend.

And remember—if overthinking is seriously impacting your quality of life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Sometimes, having an objective person guide you through your thoughts can make all the difference.

Overthinking is a challenge, but it’s not unbeatable. With a little effort, awareness, and the right tools, you can learn to take control of your thoughts and live fully in the present moment.

Wishing you all the best!
And remember—you are not alone.

Food as a Mirror: How Eating Reveals Our Relationship With Ourselves

It’s important to note that the relationship between eating habits and self-relationship is complex, and different people may have different patterns. However, there are several key connections:

• Physical Health: The quality of the food we consume directly impacts our physical health. Taking care of our own body through proper nutrition can be an expression of self-respect. Nutrient-rich foods support overall well-being.
• Awareness and Presence: Practicing mindful eating means being fully present during a meal. Enjoying food with full attention allows for a better understanding of one’s own nutritional needs, helps control portions, and reduces emotional overeating.
• Emotional Connection: Sometimes food is used as a means of coping with emotional challenges. Recognizing this pattern can indicate the need to understand emotional needs and seek healthier ways of coping with emotions.
• Self-Confidence and Self-Acceptance: The relationship with one’s own body and appearance is often connected to eating habits. A healthy relationship with food can contribute to positive self-confidence and self-acceptance.
• Self-Discipline and Life Management: The way we plan meals and organize eating habits can reflect our level of self-discipline and ability to manage our own lives.
• Self-Esteem: Feeding ourselves with food that pleases us and supports our well-being can be an expression of deeper self-respect and care for our own body.

My Experience: From Quick Snacking to Mindful Enjoyment

Food connects us. We create a relationship with it and with people from the moment we come into the world and our mother tries to breastfeed us. Throughout life, we develop our habits of consuming and choosing food.

I remember a time when I ate standing, on the go, quickly, and from pots. I was constantly snacking on something on the way, while working in the bakery owned by my parents, and I lived above it. It was perfectly normal for me to grab something from the cart with the products arranged on it and chew it on the way to the office. It became my routine because I didn’t allow myself to sit down and enjoy the flavors, smells, and textures. It didn’t matter to me; I wasn’t thinking about it, I wasn’t thinking about myself. My focus was on work, performing a bunch of tasks, and satisfying other people’s needs. I was developing recipes, creating new products – the focus was on customers and their needs and desires. Always outward and always towards others, I didn’t leave any room for myself. I wasn’t even aware of that. The way I treated food was the way I treated myself. This is something you can learn about a person when you see them eat.

Three Stories, Three Relationships With Food

My sister always prepares her food with due care. She always first thinks about what she wants to eat, and then starts preparing it. She eats slowly, chewing every bite. Her lunch takes time. Sometimes I feel nervous because I have to go somewhere, while she is completely focused and present in her meal. It’s her time, and she is present with the food, its smells, flavors, and textures. Food is her anchor to be in the present moment.

My friend Iva has a completely different relationship with food, and consequently with herself. Or rather, she used to. She eats extremely quickly, greedily, doesn’t chew, as if she’s stuffing herself. We talked about it. She says that in public she tries to eat slower because she feels uncomfortable, but she is still the fastest. She is aware that part of the way she eats is a habit from school where she was forced to eat quickly, and the other part comes from the fact that she says food isn’t important to her. For her, food is just there to put something in her mouth. And she can eat anything. She doesn’t think about it. She doesn’t think about herself, about what she likes, what she doesn’t like, what she needs.

Due to life circumstances, the time has come for her to start thinking about herself. About her relationship with herself. How does she feel? What does she like and what doesn’t she like? She is becoming aware and starting to recognize, little by little. Now, as she says, she is between two worlds, the one she used to live in and this new one that is opening up to her. I often hear that from my clients as well. That’s how I used to feel too.

Mindfulness and Mindful Eating: A Path to Yourself

Today there is so much material and opportunities for us to help ourselves. We need to want it and be brave, and not judge ourselves when we notice some things that we have allowed ourselves so far.

Mindful eating is one of the tools. The concept of mindful eating is most often associated with diet and healthy eating. Mindful eating is actually a mindfulness meditation. Through a series of practices, mindfulness allows us to develop a relationship with ourselves. Meditation is practice, and Mindfulness is a type of exercise we do. And we can incorporate it into everyday activities and get specific results. Whenever I talk to people about meditation and Mindfulness, the most common answer is: “I’d like to, but I don’t have time.” Mindful eating is an ideal tool when “we don’t have time.” Mindful eating can help us in personal development and getting to know ourselves, and creating a close, gentle, and supportive relationship with ourselves.

The concept of mindfulness is omnipresent, but difficult to explain. There is no one universal definition for mindfulness. The one that suits me best and that I use when explaining Mindfulness is the one by Jon Kabat-Zinn, according to which mindfulness is consciously directing attention to the moment, with special emphasis on non-judgment.

Mindful Eating Exercise: Enjoy the Present Moment

Mindful eating, or the mindfulness approach to nutrition, can be a useful tool for increasing attention towards yourself. Here’s a simple mindful eating exercise you can try, it only takes a few minutes:

1. Preparation: For your next meal, sit comfortably at a table or in a quiet place without distractions.
2. Observing the Food: Look at the food in front of you. Notice the colors, shapes, and textures. Think about the way it was prepared.
3. Observing Smells: Smell the food. Become aware of the smells and try to recognize different aromas.
4. Touching the Food: Touch the food with your hands or the utensils you use. Become aware of the texture and temperature.
5. Focusing on Chewing: Take the first bite, but don’t swallow immediately. Feel the taste of the food, chew slowly, and try to recognize all the ingredients.
6. Mindful Swallowing: When you decide to swallow, follow the sensation of swallowing. Become aware of how the food travels down your throat.
7. Pauses Between Bites: Each time you finish a bite, put the utensils or food on the plate. Become aware of the moment before you take the next bite.
8. Presence in the Moment: During the meal, return your attention to the taste, smell, and texture of the food. If you notice that your thoughts are wandering, gently guide them back to the present moment.
9. Ending With Attention: When you finish the meal, thank you for the food you had and become aware of how you feel after eating.

The mind will wander a hundred times and that is normal and natural. And the best thing is that the more times you return your mind from the object of your focus, in this example food, the more effective the exercise is. This is neuroplasticity in action! Therefore, be patient, gentle with yourself, and enjoy mindful eating – a journey towards a better relationship with yourself and food.